We're onto our 5th month trying to conceive. I can't say that I haven't had thoughts of discouragement, sadness, anger, fear. I find myself constantly having to turn to the Lord in prayer because I know His strength will get me through this. We're trying a couple new things this month. I'm back to charting (had to take a hiatus last month cause it was stressing me out), trying the clearblue fertility monitor, and going to time things better. We (well mostly me) decided we needed a vacation next month during the hubs spring break. That'll help keep my mind on other things instead of obsessing over this. I am grateful for this time I have with my husband. After kids I know that this time will be lost.
One thing I have learned this past Sunday during our service is "walking by faith, not by sight". Being a Type-A controlling person, I often try to plan what I can from what I know is going to happen. I love lists, schedules, all those types of things! But God is teaching me to trust Him even though I cannot see the future. I don't know what's going to happen but God is telling me to just take a leap of faith and fully embrace whatever He may bring my way. It's hard for me to let go of that control but I know that my schedule and plan for my life is not as good as the one God has planned for me.
I had gone to the doctor last month for an annual exam. I know I have a hemorrhagic ovarian cyst on my left ovary and I was worried that it was the cause of our failed attempts at trying to conceive. But after getting an ultrasound, the doctor says that it doesn't look like it's affecting anything fertility wise. It has gotten about 1 cm smaller since last year so its down to about 2.9cm. Which isn't too bad! The doctor also said that my right ovary is developing follicles like normal and that there isn't any cyst on that ovary. SO that's relieving to know that at least one ovary is working right!
Some things I have done to help boost our chances of conceiving are cutting down caffeine. I LONG for coffee every day but have quit for about a month. I have it around the time AF comes though, as a present for myself since BFN's are depressing. I also am starting to exercise more. I did a Bar Method class today! Gonna be sore later for sure. And I've been doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. So I've definitely got some things to keep my mind off of baby making.
